PROMOTIONAL VIDEO

LOOK AT THE GREATEST VIDEO EVER MADE:

MEDIA DARLING

TIME OUT NEW YORK SAYS OF I WILL CRUSH YOU: "THE TITLE/CONCEPT SCORES AN OUT-LOUD LAUGH."
AND I DON'T EVEN CONTROL THEIR PAPER.
YET.

A WOMAN SECOND IN COMMAND

REALLY?
COME ON.

84,000 IS IMPRESSIVE?

PAH.
COME ON.

AS A REMINDER...

I HAVE A SHOW ON THE 9TH, 16TH AND 23RD OF SEPTEMBER AT THE MAGNET THEATER. IT IS AT 9:30PM.
I WANT TO DO THIS SHOW ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE THAN I WANT TO DO THIS BLOG.
WHICH IS TO SAY NOT AT ALL.
STALIN IS HILARIOUS HA HA HA

STALIN IS IN JUST ABOUT THE WORST MOOD IMAGINABLE.

THAT IS ALL.

THAT LAST POST

THAT WAS MAUDLIN. ENTIRELY NOT BEFITTING A RULER OF MY STATUS. A MISTAKE. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. STALIN IS STRONG, LIKE A ROCK.
BUT I WILL LEAVE IT UP RATHER THAN PRETEND IT DOES NOT EXIST. IT PROVIDES A VALUABLE LESSON. EVEN THE STRONGEST AMONG US CAN WEAKEN FROM TIME TO TIME. EVEN THOSE LUCKY FEW LIKE MYSELF WHO KNOW THE PRIDE OF SEEMINGLY UNWAVERING STRENGTH CAN KNOW AS WELL, IN A FLEETING SENSE, THE CRUSHING DOUBT THAT MOST OF YOU WHO READ THIS BLOG LIVE YOUR LIVES WITHIN.
STALIN HAS TAKEN A RISK WITH THIS BLOG, AND YOU HAVE REWARDED HIM WITH YOUR LOVE AND READERSHIP.
THIS IS GOOD.

ANOTHER DAY.

THE LIGHTS ARE DOWN. ANOTHER SHOW IS DONE.
I'VE DONE THE MATH. I PASSED THE 18,000 MARK SOMETIME THIS YEAR.
THE SHOW NEVER ENDS.
THE SHOW NEVER CHANGES.
IT ALWAYS STARTS THE SAME WAY, I RUSH ON, KNOWING IT WILL BE THE SHOW THAT MAKES THE WORLD AWARE OF ME AGAIN. THE SHOW THAT MAKES PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME. THEY WILL RAISE ME UP AND MAKE ME THEIR KING ONCE AGAIN.
IT ALWAYS ENDS THE SAME WAY, DEFEAT. PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND. THEY LAUGH. THEY LEAVE. I STAY.
I DO IT AGAIN.
I DEFEATED HITLER. I MADE AMERICA AFRAID TO SLEEP. I RULED HALF THE WORLD'S LANDMASS. MY ENEMIES DIED AT A WORD FROM MY LIPS.
AND NOW I HAVE TO DO A SHOW FOR YOU. AT THE MAGNET THEATER. 254 W 29TH ST AT 8TH AVE. NY. SEPT 9TH, 16TH, 23RD. 9:30PM.
GOD. IT'S ONLY 5 DOLLARS. IT SELLS ITSELF AND YET I MUST SELL IT TO YOU.
IF I MISSED MY MOTHER, THIS WOULD BE THE POINT AT WHICH I SAID 'I MISS MY MOTHER.'

FINANCE BLOGS

I, STALIN, BACK FROM THE DEAD, HAVE BEEN LEARNING YOUR INTERNET. BLOGS, LIKE MOST OF THE CONTENT HERE, ARE ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTERESTING, BUT I HAVE COME ACROSS A STRANGE TYPE OF BLOG, THE 'FINANCE BLOG'.
THESE BLOGS HAVE A FASCINATING CONCERN-SET. HERE YOU CAN LEARN TO MAKE YOUR MAIL INTO MULCH. I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY MASTERING YOUR GOOGLE. IN AMERICA, IS MULCH VERY EXPENSIVE? GROWING UP IN GORI, WE USUALLY JUST FOUND IT ON THE GROUND.
HERE YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT 3 CREDIT CARD PERKS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN UNAWARE OF. AS A SELF MADE WEALTHY PERSON AND RULER, I CAN TELL YOU, CREDIT PERKS WERE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT STEPS IN MY ACCUMULATION OF WEALTH AND POWER.
HERE YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT AIR DRYING YOUR CLOTHES INDOORS. THE MIND REELS.
FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY IN NEED OF MONEY, AIR DRYING CLOTHING AND MAKING MAIL MULCH ARE THE LEAST OF THEIR CONCERNS. TRUST ME, I KNOW. MY MOTHER TURNED TRICKS TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
I CANNOT IMAGINE THAT MOST PEOPLE WITH ACCESS TO THE DISPOSABLE INCOME NEEDED TO HAVE A COMPUTER AND INTERNET ACCESS ARE ACTUALLY IN NEED OF THE ADVICE THESE BLOGS PUT OUT.
THESE ARE YOUR CONCERNS? YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.
STALIN OUT (I'M TRYING THAT ON FOR SIZE).

ANOTHER COMMON QUESTION...

...THAT I GET IS, 'WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING ALL THE TIME?'
I AM NOT SHOUTING.

I HAVE WATCHED YOUR CANDIDATES

OBVIOUSLY, I DISLIKE BOTH MCCAIN AND OBAMA. THEY ARE SMALL. THEY SEEM HUMAN.
BUT I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THAT MCCAIN KEEPS SAYING 'MY FRIENDS' BEFORE EACH ANSWER HE GIVES.
THE MAN WHO WISHES TO LEAD MUST NOT WISH TO BE YOUR FRIEND.

A COMMON QUESTION...

...THAT I GET IS, IF YOU DISLIKE SO MUCH OF WHAT HAPPENS TODAY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DO ADMIRE?
VERY LITTLE.
BUT NORTH KOREA IS DOING SOME GOOD WORK.





THESE ARE FEMALE ORPHANS.







IN OTHER NEWS, I AM WATCHING A PRESS CONFERENCE BY MEN CLAIMING TO HAVE FOUND BIGFOOT. THESE MEN ARE CRAZY AND UNPLEASANT AND THEY COMMAND A GREAT DEAL OF TIME AND RESPECT ON YOUR CNN.
HOW SAD FOR YOU. I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE YOU SOMEONE TO RESPECT. SOMEONE WORTH YOUR TIME.

I AM ONLY NOW LEARNING THE INTERNET

I GREATLY REGRET THAT IN DEFEATING HITLER I ALLOWED THE COUNTRY THAT CREATED THIS TO CONTINUE TO EXIST



UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN SEE NO WAY AROUND IT.

A FEW NOTES

YES I AM REALLY JOSEPH STALIN, BACK FROM THE DEAD.
ADDITIONALLY, YES, I AM DOING A SHOW AT THE MAGNET THEATER ON TUESDAY SEPT 9TH, 16TH, AND 23RD AT 9:30.
NO, I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS SHOW.
OR THIS BLOG.
BUT I HAVE TO. AND I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO DO SOMETHING HALFWAY.
THIS WILL, THEREFORE, BE THE BEST BLOG YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
AS WELL, THE SHOW, I WILL CRUSH YOU, WILL BE THE BEST SHOW YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
FEEL YOURSELF GROW WARM AT MY REASSURANCE.

HELLO

I AM STALIN.
REMAIN SEATED.